well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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