I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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