We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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