have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize