and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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