their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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