Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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