she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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