I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize