Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I AM VODKA MAN
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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