barbara walters just said penis...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
