I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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