did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
