how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
