Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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