Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
