I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
