I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
