I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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