The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
