nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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