Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
