There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize