I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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