i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
