I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
