youre lurking in front of me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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