think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
