The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
