i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
