your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is this like a preordered booty call?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
