toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
