I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
