Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
