hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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