I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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