1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
