At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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