I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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