its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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