my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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