Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
