I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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