I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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