you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
