after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
