Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
