One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
