i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
