I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
