I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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