You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
