Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
