You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i need an iv and a liver transplant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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