Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
