Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
