I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
