every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
