You just made me feel so damn special
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
