I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I smell stomach acid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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