he told me I talked like a deaf person
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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