this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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