I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
