I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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