If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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