In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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