She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't turn off my feet"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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