Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
