It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
