I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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