I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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