i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
