Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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