It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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