yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
